Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Saga of Eyjafjallajokull

(800 years from now a parchment is discovered by locals in Iceland which reveal the real reasons surrounding the events, financial and geophysical, of 2008-2010. Another Saga to add to the proud history of Icelandic culture.)

There were freebooters named Landsbanki and Glitnir, wealthy and strong they were. They were friends and had common purpose.

Landsbanki and Glitnir roamed the seas, and offered booty to the Island nations of the East in gestures of good faith and friendship. The Isle people and the Place Where We Go To Raid And Pillage (translator note: from the Icelandic "KeFubarskinoord", which is roughly today's "Europe") They composed love songs for one another and midgard was at peace.

But the Elf Masters Of Taking Stuff and Giving Less Back (translator note: from the Icelandic "BaweekGukaaKinyyrk" or "Central Bank") were jealous of Landsbanki and Glitnir, and conspired to destroy them by waiting until they slept in The Glenn Of No-one Knows What Is Going On (translators note: "overnight interbank market") and choking Landsbanki and Glitnir.

The people of the Eastern Isles fled like cowards from this news that their friends were dead, and Landsbanki and Glitnir were buried in the earth, eternally betrayed by The Elf Masters Of Taking Stuff and Giving Less Back.

Landsbanki and Glitnir were ashamed, and when a Valkyrie asked them what had befallen them, she was resolved to seek address from the Gods for this betrayal. She told Heimdall on the rainbow bridge to Asgard the tale.

This story angered Heimdall, and he ushered them into Asgard. Heimdall then told Thor, who was eating 100 Elk. Landsbanki and Glitnir were trying to pillage and were betrayed by the Elfs who know nothing of pillaging and war and fun.

Thor was enraged by this betrayal. Thor donned his belt, quaffed a barrel of mead, and threw Mjollnir with such force that it cracked the sky of Asgard and entered into Midgard. Mjollnir then pierced the heart of the sleeping Fire Giant Eyjafjallajokull.

So terrible was the wound that Eyjafjallajokull awoke, coughing in his death throws, and covered the Eastern Isle people and KeFubarskinoord in his blood and entrails. This caused great discomfort for the Elfs had to give back more than they took, and great inconvenience to the cowardly people who could no longer flee anywhere. Thor was pleased.

No comments: